When It's All Too Much for Kids: Overwhelm Doesn't Just Happen at School

Of course, one bad day alone doesn’t mean a child is overwhelmed. What’s more important is a long-term change and its impact on daily life. 

A loss of joy can also be a warning sign

One useful indicator is to observe whether the child truly experiences their schedule as something that brings them joy. A child may be able to handle individual activities very well while still feeling generally exhausted. They may get good grades, attend practice regularly, and fulfill all their responsibilities, yet still lack the energy for anything else. 

For older children and adolescents, academic pressure must also be taken into account. Data from the World Health Organization’s extensive international HBSC survey show that pressure related to schoolwork among adolescents increased between 2018 and 2022, particularly among girls. At the same time, some indicators of family and peer support declined. When a packed afternoon schedule is added to academic demands, the result can be long-term stress that isn’t immediately apparent.

What can parents do?

The first step doesn’t have to be immediately canceling all extracurricular activities. It makes more sense to look at the entire week as a whole.

How much time does the child spend at school? How much time does homework take? How many times a week do they have practice or another extracurricular activity? How much time do they spend commuting? When do they have time for friends, family, and simply doing nothing? And most importantly: how much time is left for sleep?

Sleep is particularly important when assessing overall stress levels. Recommendations from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine state that children ages 6–12 need approximately 9–12 hours of sleep per day, and adolescents ages 13–18 need 8–10 hours. Adequate sleep is linked, among other things, to attention, learning, emotional regulation, and overall health.

Even seemingly small changes can help:

• leave at least some afternoons free of a set schedule,
• don’t try to fill every day off,
• regularly ask your child what they truly enjoy and what has become more of a chore for them,
• let them have a say in choosing activities,
• make sure they get enough sleep and time to recharge,
• don’t be afraid to skip an extracurricular activity for a while or drop it altogether.

And above all: don’t view free time as a wasted opportunity.

When Is It Time to Seek Professional Help?

If changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or physical symptoms persist and begin to interfere with school, relationships, or the child’s daily functioning, there’s no need to wait until the situation worsens. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, it’s advisable to consider seeking professional consultation, for example, if changes in emotions or behavior last for weeks or longer, cause significant distress to the child or family, or disrupt the child’s functioning at home, at school, or among peers.

The first step might be to visit a pediatrician, psychologist, or another specialist whom the family trusts. With children, it’s important to view their difficulties in a broader context—not just in relation to school or a single extracurricular activity, but in relation to their entire daily life. The goal is not to create a perfectly balanced schedule for the child. The goal is to ensure that, alongside responsibilities and activities, there is also room for rest, relationships, play, and a normal childhood.

Because free time is not time that a child has “wasted.” It is time that the child needs.